Post by cutman99 on Oct 7, 2008 0:34:17 GMT 1
Alien and Predator
Part 2
15
Night Time Madness
Predator: Well it’s Karaoke night once again! Bye Alien!
Alien: Ooh Karaoke! Can I come?
Predator: Fine!
Alien: Sweet!
At the bar…
Ness: Hi Predator!
Ino: Hey! Alien! I didn’t know you sang!
Alien: THAT’S what karaoke is?
Predator: What’d you think it was?
Alien: A Sushi bar…
Predator: And you’re supposed to be the smart one?
Alien: Shut up! Hey is that Marth singing?
Marth: Don’t stop… Believing! Hold on to that feeling!
Predator: Oh Yeah! He drives all the girls insane!
Marth: Thank you all! Thank you!
D.J.: Alright! Next we have Ness with Honesty!
Ness: If you search for tenderness… It isn’t hard to find…
Marth: Wow! Ness has an awesome voice!
Predator: You should see him when he sings Queen!
Ino: *sigh* It’s moments like these that I almost find him attractive!
Predator: You say that about every singer when you’re wasted!
Ino: You’re right! Y-you are so smart! You know? Because like… yeah!
Predator: I’m aware of that!
Ino: N-no! No! I-I really mean it you’re so smart! You know everything!
Alien: I definitely know you’re drunk!
Ino: *Laughs* You’re funny! You’re really funny! *sigh* *Falls* Whoops!
Ness: So what’d you think of me?
Alien: Well, with all “Honesty” I though you SUCKED! *Laughs*
Ino: (Raises hand) What’d I say? Funny! *chuckles* *sigh* (arm drops) Ouch!
Ness: (Bats Alien in shins)
Alien: *screams in pain* Damn it! *beep* *grunt* Ouch!
Ness: Now for Ino! (Raises bat)
Predator: Hold up Ness! She can’t help herself! She’s wasted… so not too hard!
Ness: That’s what she said!
Predator: *laughs* Nice! Also avoid the face!
Ness: She said that too!
Predator: *Laughs* Nice! (High fives Ness) Okay give her hell!
Ness: With Pleasure!!! (Knocks Ino unconscious) Well that was fun!
The next morning…
Ino: *Groan* What a night! Wait, this isn’t my apartment!
Ness: Yeah, About that! You see during the fumigation the termites retaliated by…
Ino: By…
Ness: Eating your apartment.
Ino: WHAT?
Ness: But, we we’re able to save your stuff so basically… Welcome home room mate!
Ino: Well I’ve stayed here before, I can do it again.
Ness: Only this time it’s forever!
Ino: At least we’re good friends so we can live with few problems.
Ness: I guess so. (Turns on TV)
Ino: So what’s your job?
Ness: You’re kidding right? I’m 13!
Ino: Then how’d you afford this?
Ness: Well my family is apparently loaded.
Ino: Really?
Ness: Yeah! My dad puts like $500 in my account every five minutes!
Ino: Damn!
Ness: I mean don’t get me wrong, I’d totally get a job if I could!
Ino: Well how come you can drink then if your 13?
Ness: I saved the planet! I think I EARNED the right to drink under aged!
Ino: You saved the planet?
Ness: Yep, I saved the planet from Giygas!
Ino: Who?
Ness: Exactly! Ancient history! Oh! “Whose line is it anyway?” is on!
Ino: Turn it up!
Predator: (Walks in) Hi guys!
Ness: Damn Predator Nice armor! Wait that’s Spartan armor!!!
Predator: Yeah! Every one on the force has it! It’s the new uniform!
Ino: How were the police able to afford Spartan armor?
Predator: Master Chief is the new chief of police!
Ness: Cool!
Predator: What’s better, we all get assigned Magnums AND Needlers!
Ness: As Standard weapons?
Predator: Yep!
Ness: Sweet! You got to hook me up man!
Predator: I’m already working on it! Uh-oh L-24 in progress! See you at the bar guys!
Ness: Bye!
Predator: (runs out door)
Ino: Wow! It must a lot of fun being a cop!
Ness: You have NO idea!
Ino: How do you know?
Ness: Predator showed me what it was like to be a cop by taking me to work with him!
Ino: Why wasn’t I invited?
Ness: We didn’t know you yet!
Ino: Oh! Okay!
Alien: Hi Ness! Hi Ino!
Ness: Hi Alien! What’s up?
Alien: Have you seen Marth around lately?
Ness: Try the bar. He said he was going to go for a drink of wine.
Alien: Thanks! (Leaves)
Ness: You know, I think I’ll go get a drink too! (Runs out door)
Ino: Wait up! (Follows Ness)
At the bar…
Predator: Ah yes the bar! The one place where I can be free!
Alien: (Runs in) Marth!
Predator: Ruined by the one I hate the second most!
Marth: Alien! Come on! Have a drink with us!
Alien: Eh, why not?
Marth: Sasuke! Another Wine!
Sasuke: *sigh* (Pours drink)
Alien: Hey Sasuke, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.
Sasuke: Go ahead.
Alien: You were one of the best ninjas in the village, so why are you a bartender?
Sasuke: Well you see it all started when--
Ness: (Busts in) Hi guys!
Ino: Hey Predator! Tonight’s shooting night right?
Predator: You got it!
Ino: But right now, let’s get wasted!
Sasuke: and that’s pretty much how it happened.
Alien: So you actually wanted to be a bartender rather than a ninja?
Sasuke: It’s been my life’s dream since I was a boy.
Predator: That explains why you were always so emo when you were a ninja!
Sasuke: Yes! That’s exactly the reason.
Ino: You mean it wasn’t because Itachi killed your whole clan?
Sasuke: Uh… about that.
Ino: What? (Sips drink)
Sasuke: I… Framed him for that and made him believe he did it!
Ino: (Spits drink) WHAT?
Sasuke: Well they didn’t support me in my dream to become a bartender so…
Ness: Something had to be done?
Sasuke: Yep!
Ness: I hear that!
Ino: Then why did you want him dead?
Sasuke: I was afraid he would discover the truth and Tell… Mom…on… me… crap!
Ness: (Falls on ground laughing)
Predator: Dude! You’ve been chasing your brother through the whole series for nothing!
Ino: Awkward!
Sasuke: Wow! I feel stupid!
Ness: *sigh* That’s funny!
Marth: But couldn’t he just tell someone else on you?
Sasuke: Everyone sees him as a criminal! Do you really think anyone would believe him?
Alien: He DOES have a point!
Sakura: (Walks in) Hi guys! (Gazes at Marth) Hey Marth!
Ness: Oh, brother!
Ino: I’ll say!
Predator: Come on let’s go shoot stuff!!! (Runs out door)
Ness: Coming! (Follows Predator)
Ino: Wait up! (Follows Ness)
Alien: What are they up to now?
Sasuke: They’re going out to shoot stuff.
Alien: WHAT?
Sasuke: They do it every Thursday.
Alien: Oh… I got to go! (Walks away) (Comes back) The exits THIS way! (Leaves)
Sakura: So Marth… I guess it’s just you and me now! (Grins)
Marth: *sigh* Oh boy!
(At the field)
Predator: I brought some guns from work this time! (Holds out bag)
Ness: Sweet!
Ino: Awesome!
Predator: For Ness (Reaches in bag) a needler! (Hands needler to Ness)
Ness: Okay!
Predator: And for Ino (Reaches in bag) an S.M.G. (Hands SMG to Ino)
Ino: Now we’re talking!
Predator: (activates flash bomb) Initiating count down! Run! Run! Run! (Runs away)
Ness: (Teleports)
Ino: (Teleports)
(Bomb goes off)
Ness: Time to move! (Peeks from rock) Ino 12:00! (Shoots like crazy)
Ino: (Becomes log)
Ness: Touché!
Ino: (Shoots at Ness)
Ness: Whoa! (Dodges bullets) (Shoots Ino) *Chuckles*
Predator: (shoots at Ness)
Ness: AH! (Falls) (Gets up) (Looks for Predator) Where are you?
Ino: (Shoots at Ness)
Ness: *Grunt* (Shoots Ino)
Predator: (Throws disk at Ness)
Ness: (Dodges)
Ino: (get hit by disc) *groan* *groan* (coughs up blood) (looks up)
Ness: (Shoots Ino Between eyes) Okay! (Gets stabbed by javelin) (Dies)
Predator: (Uses Phoenix down on Ino and Ness) That was fun!
Ness: Hell yeah!
Ino: Definitely!
Predator: Well good night guys! (Leaves)
Ness: Good night! Come on Ino!
Ino: Coming!
(At the apartment)
Alien: Did you have fun with you little toys?
Predator: Yes, but I had more fun with my guns!
Alien: Well how did that go?
Predator: I killed them both!
Alien: Ouch! Sorry to here that!
Predator: Oh, don’t worry, we had Phoenix downs!
Alien: Oh, Well that’s always nice to here! (Turns up TV)
Reporter: In other news a local cop was found shot to the point of death before rescued.
Alien: Wow!
Reporter: Wow indeed!
Alien: What?
Reporter: The victim was identified as Sakura Haruno!
Alien: WHAT?
Reporter: Her body was found in Local Field.
Predator: Local Field?
Reporter: Yes! Local Field! Police chief Master Chief had this to say!
Master Chief: Judging from the wounds, she seemed to have been hit by a needler.
Predator: Needler?
Master Chief: One of the needles appears to have hit one of her smoke grenades.
Predator: (Turns Invisible) (Runs away)
Alien: Predator you wouldn’t know anything about this would you?
(At Ness’ house)
*Knock *Knock* *Knock*
Ino: I’ll get it. (Walks to door)
Predator: (Breaks down door) NESS!!!
Ino: (Gets hit by door)
Predator: Sorry Ino!
Ino: (Gives thumbs up)
Ness: I saw the report! How lucky are we huh?
Predator: What are you saying?
Ness: They got the wrong guy!
Predator: Who’d they get?
Ness: A teddy bear!
Predator: Wow! The people I work with are idiots!
Ness: I’ll say! Um… Maybe you should get off Ino!
Predator: Oh, Sorry! (Gets off door)
Ino: (gets up) *Gasp*
Predator: Sorry again about the whole door thing!
Ino: No problem. (Brushes of arms)
Ness: Never the less we have to be more careful with the guns!
Predator: You’re joking right?
Ness: Yeah!
Predator: Good! Now since we’re all here, let’s get wasted!
Ness: WHOO!
Ino: Now you’re talking!
(Back with Alien)
Alien: So anyway Sakura got shot.
Marth: Oh, That sucks.
Alien: She’s alive though!
Marth: Oh, That sucks.
Alien: *Chuckles* You’re kidding correct?
Marth: Pretty obvious!
Alien: Anyways, How’s it been with you?
Marth: Great! Simply wonderful!
Alien: That bad huh?
Marth: I’m so damn Lonely! (Sips Drink) *sob*
Alien: Really?
Marth: NO! *Laughs*
Alien: *laughs*
*ding dong*
Alien: That must be Ike! (Answers door) Ike! Come in.
Ike: Thank you!
Alien: So anyway how have you been Ike?
Ike: Fine! Fine!
Alien: You know, I’ve noticed something we never do anything fun!
Ike: You know you’re right!
Marth: Let’s go out and do something fun tonight!
Alien: First we must think of something!
Ike: How about--
Alien: We’re not going to burn things Ike!
Ike: Aw! Well then how about we stab, slice, cut and destroy things?
Alien: NO!!!
Ike: PLEASE!!!
Marth: NO!!!
Ike: Fine!
Alien: Hmm… (Snaps fingers) I got it!
(At the park)
Man: Oh dear! I do hope I Get home in time for dinner!
Alien: (Leaps From bush) *Hiss*
Man: *Screams* (runs away)
Alien: *laughs* That was awesome!
Marth: My turn! Here comes someone!
Man: What a great night for a walk!
Marth: (Leaps from bush) I’m the bush Man!
Man: (Runs away screaming)
Marth: *laughs*
Alien: Bushman?
Marth: I don’t know either.
Ike: My turn!
Woman: Just walking along!
Ike: (Leaps From bush) *shouts* (Slices head Woman’s head off)
Marth: Dude! What the *beep* man?
Ike: What?
Alien: You just *beep* Killed someone!
Ike: What? Was I not supposed to?
Alien: Not like that no! Everyone knows you eat the body after the kill!
Ike: But I’m not a cannibal!
Alien: Oh, Right! Well give it here then no use letting it go to waste!
Ike: (gives body to Alien)
Alien: You may want to look away! (Ferociously eats body)
Marth: I’ll never sleep well again!
Alien: Hey I resent that remark, but I guess I can’t blame you.
Marth: Well you do eat humans!
Alien: Yes, that’s true.
Marth: Oh, here comes Predator!
Ike: Okay get ready!
Predator: (walks by)
Marth: Hi Predator!
Predator: Holy crap! (Shoots Marth) (Pummels Marth)
Marth: Predator it’s me Marth!
Predator: (stops) Oh… Sorry!
Alien: Dude!
Predator: Well what’d you expect? I’m freaking Predator! I attack if provoked!
Marth: I taste blood!
Predator: Well you had it coming queer! Hey what are you guys doing anyway?
Alien: We decided to have a special activity for each day of the week!
Predator: Really?
Alien: Yep! Tonight’s scare the crap out of people night!
Predator: No way! That’s what we’re doing!
Marth: Wow!
Predator: So what’s your method?
Alien: Well we wait for people to walk by and just jump out of this bush!
Predator: …That’s it?
Alien: Yep!
Predator: Oh, come on! I expected a lot more from a horror star!
Alien: Oh Yeah? I’d like to see you do any better!
Predator: Watch and learn! (Becomes invisible)
Man: (walks by)
*rustle* *rustle*
Man: Hello? Is someone there?
Predator: *growl*
Man: H-hello?
Predator: (throws smoke bomb)
Man: What’s happening? Who’s there?
Predator: (becomes visible) *growls* (slowly walks toward man)
Man: (Backs away) (Trips)
Predator: (takes out claws) (approaches Man) (takes off mask)
Man: *whimper*
Predator: *Roar*
Man: (Runs away screaming)
Predator: THAT’S how it’s done!
Marth: Damn!
Alien: And I thought I was the scary one!
Marth: What did you think Ike? Ike?
Ike: …
Marth: I think he’s Petrified!
Predator: He’ll be fine in about five minutes!
Ness: Nice one Predator!
Predator: Thanks Ness! Well I hope you all learned something from that! See you!
Alien: Bye!
Predator: (Walks away)
Alien: Well I guess we should go home then!
Marth: Yeah good Idea!
(Back at the apartment)
Predator: What’s with all the guns?
Alien: I’m hooking a security system up to my room!
Predator: Am I really THAT scary!
Alien: No! I’m just sick of you sneaking into my room so you can draw on my face!
Predator: Trust me if it were me, It would be more then just drawing stuff on you!
Alien: Whatever! the point is I’m tired of waking up with drawings on my face!
Predator: Okay Goodnight!
(The next morning)
Alien: Son of a bitch! Those damn raccoons!
Predator: So much for your security system!
Alien: Oh shut up!
Predator: Look, all you need to do is turn it on! (Flicks switch)
Alien: I hate you so much!
16
Night of the living dearly departed
Pinhead: What the hell is wrong with you guys?
All: Sorry sir!
Pinhead: Why are you apologizing to me? Apologize to yourselves!
Freddy: Why?
Pinhead: You got beat up by a KID!!!
Chucky: Yeah seriously you guys suck!
Pinhead: Shut up Chucky!
Chucky: Yes sir.
Pinhead: Looks like I’m left with no choice! Send out Jaws!
(At the apartment)
*ding dong*
Alien: I’ll get it! (Answers door) Why is there a dead great white shark at our door?
Predator: Sweet! Fresh meat! (Drags in shark)
Alien: Gross!
Predator: Yeah that’s coming from a guy with 2 mouths!
Alien: Son of a bitch Predator!
Pinhead: What do you mean Jaws is dead?
Hannibal: Well sharks do need to be in water to breathe as well as constantly in motion.
Pinhead: Damn it! I just put him on the front porch!
Hannibal: That would explain it!
Pinhead: Well what am I supposed to do now?
Hannibal: Well you could try zombies.
Pinhead: Thank you Hannibal! Zombies Arise!
(Meanwhile with predator)
Predator: More shark anyone?
Marth: Hey guys, check this out!
Reporter: In other news there have been sightings of zombies in the area!
Ike: Zombies?
Reporter: That’s right Ike! Zombies!
Ike: Wait What?
Reporter: Mr. Zombie, what is the reason for this rampage?
Zombie: Well we’ve been summoned by our masters to take out a kid named Ness.
Reporter: And what might Ness look like?
Zombie: He’s small, has a huge head…
Ness: Hey!
Zombie: Wears a red hat, striped shirt and blue shorts.
Reporter: Is this him? (Holds out picture of Ness)
Zombie: No, That’s just a picture of him. (Points to Ness) That’s him there!
Ness: What?
Reporter: Where?
Zombie: He’s right outside the TV! Get him! (Breaks through TV screen)
Ness: What the hell?
Zombie: *groan*
Ness: How’d he do that?
Predator: Quick! Change the channel!
Ness: He broke the TV Screen!
Predator: That crafty son of a bitch!
Alien: But, Why are they going after you Ness?
Ness: Call it a hunch, but I think they were sent by the Horror Mafia!
Alien: What? The Horror Mafia?
Ness: Yeah! They put a hit on me!
Alien: Why would they put a hit on you?
Ness: I found out that their leader is actually Pinhead! Oops!
Alien: What?
Ness: By telling you the identity of their leader I put you all on the hit list!
All: Son of a bitch Ness!
Zombie: *Groan*
Predator: Shut up you! (Shoots zombie in head)
Ness: Nice shot! Now let’s get to the roof!
Ino: What makes you think we’ll be safe up there?
Ness: Zombies are scared of heights!
Marth: Wait, why are you in command?
Ness: Because I’ve dealt with zombies before! Now let’s go! (Runs to roof)
Ike: Good enough for me!
All: (follow Ness)
(On the roof)
Alien: Wow! Look at all the Dead video game and Anime characters!
Ike: There’s Aeries from Final Fantasy 7!
Ino: And there’s The 3rd Hokage, and the Uchiha Clan!
Marth: And there’s my sister! *Sob*
Predator: Wuss!
Ike: Well it looks like were screwed!
Predator: Not exactly! (Holds out walkie-talkie) Chief, we need Help! Now!
Master Chief: On my way! (Halo theme plays)
Ino: The chief of police? What’s he going to do?
Master Chief: (Rides toward building on hornet) I’m going to save your asses!
Predator: Yeah! (Jumps toward Hornet) (Hits head on Wing) *Grunt*
Master Chief: Oh! You can’t board while I’m in the hornet!
Predator: Now he tells me! (Hits ground)
Zombies: (Gather at Crater)
Predator: (Gets up) Oh *beep* me!
Zombies: (attack Predator)
Predator: (climbs up building) Ouch! Damn it!
Master Chief: (Lands) (gets out) Ness, Predator, get on!
Alien: What about us?
Master Chief: Keep them distracted! (Flies away)
Alien: Yeah, Sure! Just leave us here! No big deal!
Ino: That’s right Alien! Keep a positive outlook!
Alien: I’m being sarcastic!
Ino: Well that doesn’t seem very positive.
Alien: *sigh*
Marth: Look! (Points)
Predator: (Soars in on Hornet) You coming or what?
Ino: You know it Predator! (Gets in hornet)
Alien: Well I’ll be damned! (Climbs on)
Marth: Well What about us?
Master Chief: You’re coming with me!
Ike: Yes sir! (Gets on hornet)
Marth: (Gets on hornet) So where’s Ness?
Master Chief: He’s setting down the zombie paper at points A, B and C!
Marth: Zombie Paper?
Master Chief: Yeah! It like fly paper, only it’s for zombies!
Marth: You do realize how stupid that is right?
Master Chief: Look Below and tell me how stupid it is!
Marth: (Looks down) Well I’ll be… It Worked!
(Later)
Master Chief: Well the zombies are taken care of!
Ness: Uh…
Master Chief: They are taken care of right?
Ness: The zombies, Yes, The victims, not so much.
Master Chief: What do you mean?
Ness: Apple kid designed the paper to work only on risen zombies not the victims!
Master Chief: Son of a bitch Ness!
Ino: Oh come on! There’s probably not too many! (Opens door)
Zombies: *Groan*
Ino: (Slams door) There’s millions of them!
Ness: Wait I have an idea!
Master Chief: What is it?
Ness: Get me a smash ball!
Ino: I doubt getting drunk is the answer Ness!
Predator: Blasphemy!
Ness: I said smash ball, not high ball! Wait… Oh! I get it! “Smash” ball!
Predator: As in Smashed!
Ness and Predator: *laughs*
Ness: *sigh* But seriously get me a smash ball!
(One smash ball later)
Ness: Now everyone take cover!
All: (Hides under table)
Ness: PK Starstorm!
(Meteors fall and blow up every thing)
Predator: Is it done?
Ness: Yeah it’s done!
Predator: Okay good! Come on out guys! It’s done!
All: (Come out from Hiding)
Ness: You hid beneath a table?
Predator: Yup!
Ness: Good choice!
Master Chief: You do realize you now owe the city millions of dollars in damage right?
Ness: Eh, My account can take care of that.
Master Chief: What?
Ness: (Activates ATM) So, how much do I owe the city?
Master Chief: Two million dollars.
Ness: Alright! (Gets money) (Hands money to Chief) Here you go!
Master Chief: How did you get two million dollars, Royalty Checks?
Ness: That, and my father puts about one thousand dollars in my account every day!
Ino: Damn! You’re freaking rich!
Ness: Yeah I know!
(Days Later)
Governor: And so, it is with great pride that I award Ness with, with the hero’s medal!
Alien: Is that even a real award?
Ino: Who cares? My friend’s a hero!
Ness: Thank You! I would personally like to thank my friend Predator, who could not be here because of his fear of the governor.
Audience:*laughs*
Ness: I also would like to thank Master Chief for coming to our rescue!
Master Chief: You’re Welcome!
Ness: And finally, I’d like to thank Apple Kid, for providing me with the zombie paper!
Audience: *Applauds*
Ness: Oh, And Thanks to Poo for teaching me PK Starstorm!
(Elsewhere)
Pinhead: You haven’t won yet Ness! Soon you will experience HELL! *Laughs*
17
Dare to be stupid
(At the apartment)
Ino: So… what do we do now?
Predator: Let’s play dare!
Ness: How do you play?
Predator: I dare you to take Marth’s sword!
Ness: No Problem! Be right back!
(5 minutes later)
Predator: So how'd it go?
Ness: (Walks in covered I cuts)
Predator: *Laughs*
Ino: Oh my god! Ness! Are you okay?
Ness: (holds out sword) It put up a fight, but I got it! (Collapses)
Predator: (Bursts into laughter)
Marth: Have any of you guys seen my sword? (Sees Ness) Oh there it is!
Ness: *Gurgle*
Marth: You should probably get him to a hospital!
Predator: Oh, I’m sure he’ll be fine!
Ghost Ness: Guess again!
Predator: Oh, Snap….
(One hospitalization later)
Ino: Okay now that that’s over, I dare Predator to… jump off a building!!!
Predator: WAY AHEAD YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU! (Hits ground)
Ness: Dude! Are you okay?
Predator: (Climbs out of crater) That… was… AWESOME!!!
Ino: Damn! You can take a punch!
Ness: Alright then, I dare Ino to… Kunai an apple off my head!
Ino: Oh, that’s easy!
Ness: Blindfolded!
Ino: Now you have something!
Predator: (Blindfolds Ino) Okay throw!
Ino: (throws Kunai at Ness’ Nuts) Did I get it! Ooh!
Ness: What? (Looks Down) *Scream*
Predator: (Bursts into laughter)
(One more hospital trip later)
Ino: No hard feelings about the whole knife to the balls thing right?
Ness: Nah! It’s cool! Happens all the time!
Predator: Okay, I dare Ino to… Go purpose to Sakura while disguised as Marth!
Ino: Oh! That’s good! (Puts on sign that reads “Marth not Ino” on it) Be right back.
(Some time later)
Predator: Hey! Here she comes!
Ino: Run for your life Sakura is pissed! (Runs by)
Sakura: Get back here Ino you Bitch! Hi Guys. How dare you mess with my heart?
(Yet another hospital trip later)
Predator: Christ! What’d she do to you?
Ino: You don’t want to know!
Ness: Anyways, I dare Predator to… Ask the governor for a cup of sugar!
Predator: NO! Not that! Anything but that!
(Later at the governor’s house)
Predator: Stupid Ness Playing that damn chicken card! (Rings door bell)
Arnold: (Opens door) Hello, how can I help you fine sir?
Predator: *Gulp* Well I was w-wondering if I could have a cup of sugar. Don’t hurt me!
Arnold: Certainly! (Gets sugar) Here you are. (Gives Predator sugar) have a nice day!
Predator: Thank you sir. (Runs away)
Ness: So how was it?
Predator: I got your damn sugar you evil hearted bastard!
Ness: *Laughs* *sigh* Alright Ino. You’re next!
Ino: Let’s me see, I dare Ness to…
Marth: Hey guys what are you doing?
Predator: Oh, We’re just playing dare.
Marth: That’s cool. Can I play?
Ino: Sure!
Marth: Okay sweet! I have the best dare ever!
Predator: Alright Shoot!
Marth: Alright! I dare you… to divide by zero!
Predator: One divided by zero equals…
Ness and Ino: NO!!!
BOOM!
Predator: Wow! The calculator just exploded!
18
Predator must die
(At the headquarters of the horror mafia)
Pinhead: I trust you’ll see to it that our plans are taken care of!
Assassin: Don’t worry! Your plan WILL go undisturbed! I’ll see to that!
Pinhead: Excellent! Soon that damn cop will be off our trail once and for all!
Assassin: Cop? I thought you wanted the kid dead.
Pinhead: Well if we kill the child first the cop will find us!
Assassin: How do you know?
Pinhead: This cop has ways!
Assassin: Such as?
Pinhead: If I knew I wouldn’t need you!
Assassin: So wait, Am I supposed to kill this cop or find out the cop’s ways?
Pinhead: Just go kill the cop!
Assassin: Don’t worry I’ll be sure give this cop Hell! *Leaves*
Pinhead: Hey! That’s not bad! I’d better ad that to my list of Hell Puns!
(At the bar)
Predator: Gentlemen! Ino! I have brought you here to witness the answer!
Alien: Answer? Oh God! What are you doing now?
Predator: I’ve decided to answer a question that has plagued mankind for ages!
Alien: And just what question is that?
Predator: What would happen if a woman took Viagra?
All but Alien: *gasp* He’s a mad man! A MAD MAN!!!
Alien: And how will get a woman to actually take Viagra?
Predator: Go on Sasuke.
Sasuke: Thank you Predator! When Sakura asks for her drink I’ll slip it in!
Predator: She won’t know what hit her! Are there any questions?
Ness: Who’s the guy in the trench coat?
Predator: Who cares?
Assassin: Everything is ready! The bomb is in place and no one suspects a thing!
Sakura: *Walks in* Hey guys! Sasuke, get me a cup of whine!
Sasuke: Sure thing! (Pours drink) (Puts in Viagra) Here you are!
Sakura: (sips drink)
Predator: This is it guys!
Assassin: (Detonates bomb)
Predator: She exploded!
Ness: Damn!
Ino: Naruto is going to be pissed!
Alien: Uh… No he isn’t…
Predator: Dude! We KILLED Sakura!
Alien: But, I killed Naruto!
All: WHAT?
Predator: Why would you do that?
Alien: Well…
(Flashback)
Alien: I’m just walking home.
Naruto: Give me all your money! (Holds out knife)
Alien: Oh dear god! (Stabs Naruto in heart) Oh boy!
Predator: You stabbed him?
Alien: He tried to rob me! It was self-defense!
Predator: Then what’d you do with the body?
Alien: Well…
(Flashback)
Alien: (Drags Naruto into alley) Oh God! I hope no one sees this! (Eats Naruto) Not bad!
Ino: You ate his body?
Predator: Please tell me you saved his skull!
Alien: (Holds out skull)
Predator: Mine! (Swipes skull) All is forgiven!
Assassin: Predator! Looks like my mission isn’t over yet!
Pinhead: *click* What do you mean? Sakura is dead! *click*
Assassin: But I have a score to settle with the Predator!
Pinhead: *click* Oh… Carry on then! *click*
Predator: Come on guys let’s go home! (Walks out)
Assassin: (Hides in shadow)
Predator: (Walks by) Hi Lyn!
Lyn: Damn it! Was I that obvious?
Predator: Your heat signature was right there!
Lyn: Oh yeah I got to work on that. Wait a minute I hate you! (Takes out gun)
Predator: Jeez! When did you start using a gun?
Lyn: Shut up! (Pulls trigger) *click* What the? *click* *click*
Predator: The gun’s not loaded.
Lyn: Aw, Damn it!
Predator: And you call your-self an assassin?
Lyn: Shut up! (Slashes Predator)
Predator: *Screams in pain*
Ness: What the hell Lyn?
Lyn: Shut up you! (Slashes Predator)
Predator: *Screams in pain* Why’d you hit me?
Lyn: For making me an assist trophy!
Predator: You never paid me my 5 bucks!
Lyn: That’s no excuse! Die!
Predator: Wait!
Lyn: What?
Predator: (Runs away)
Lyn: Damn! The old wait run away trick! Gets me every time!
(Meanwhile)
Predator: Now what am I going to do?
Ness: Why don’t you just sneak up on her while you’re invisible?
Predator: I guess I could try that. (Turns invisible)
Ness: Here she comes!
Predator: (Sneaks behind Lyn)
(Sneaking music plays)
Lyn: Marco!
Predator: Polo!
Lyn: (Takes out sword)
Predator: Oh Crap!
Lyn: (Charges)
Predator: Damn You Tip-toe music, and damn you Marco Polo!
(Later)
Ness: So how’d it go?
Predator: (Becomes visible) Call a hospital!
Ness: Why?
Predator: (Blood gushes out of body) Let’s just say it didn’t work!
Ness: That bad huh?
Predator: Just call a hospital man!
Ness: Fine!
(One hospital trip later)
Predator: Okay that’s settled!
Ino: Hey guys!
Predator: Ino, where were you? And why is she here?
Ino: Oh this is Lyn! She said she had some business to sort out with you!
Lyn: That I do! (Charges at Predator)
Ino: (Blocks Lyn) Whoa! I thought you just had some business to sort out with him!
Lyn: I meant I wanted to kill him!
Ino: Hey, I don’t know what Predator did, but violence is not the answer!
Lyn: (Slices off Ino’s ponytail)
Ino: You sliced off my Pony tale! You bitch! (Cut’s off Lyn’s Ponytail)
Lyn: (Eyes widen) (Feels head) You’ve just made a very powerful enemy!
Ino: Bring it bitch! (Takes out knives)
Lyn: (Takes out sword)
Ino: Crap! (Runs away) Disguise jutsu! (Puts on sign that says not Ino)
Ness: Wow! That’s going to fool her!
Lyn: Hey! Have you seen a girl who looks just like you run by recently?
Ino: Yes, She went strait ahead!
Lyn: Thanks! (Runs off)
Ness: Well I’ll be damned!
Predator: This gives me an idea!
(Elsewhere)
Alien: Nothing like a walk to clear the mind!
Predator: Hey Alien! Could you do your impersonation of me? Ness wants to see it!
Alien: Sure! Anything to make fun of you!
Predator: Oh, and put this on. (Puts sign on Alien)
Alien: It’s just a sign that says Predator.
Predator: Yeah it… adds to the illusion!
Alien: Ah! Yes! Of course!
Predator: Now I’m just going to turn invisible (turns invisible) and go somewhere safe.
Alien: Uh… Okay… *Clears throat*
Lyn: There’s Predator… or is it?
Alien: I’m Predator! I can be invisible! I collect skulls and if you touch them I get pissed!
Lyn: Oh yeah! That’s him! DIE!!! (Stabs Alien)
Alien: *screams* Son of a bitch! (Melts sword)
Lyn: *gasp* My sword!
Predator: (Rips out Lyn’s skull) Fatality Mother *beep*!
Alien: Oh the pain! (Falls down)
Predator: You alright alien?
(Blood melts ground)
Alien: (Falls in hole) *Scream*
(Blood melts power cord)
Alien: (Get shocked) (Gets blown up) (Lands on fire hydrant)
(Fire hydrant bursts open)
(Sends Alien flying)
Alien: (Gets tangled in power chords)
(Blood Melts chords)
(Chords Shock Alien)
Alien: *Scream*
(Explosion sends Alien flying in hole with chord)
(Chord shocks Alien)
Alien: *Scream* Not again!
(Explosion launches Alien upward)
Alien: (Grabs ledge of building) (Coughs up blood)
(Blood melts ledge)
Alien: Oh Crap! (Falls into whole with cord again)
(Chord shocks alien)
Alien: *Screams*
(Explosion sends Alien flying)
Alien: (Lands on Manhole) Oh thank god it’s over!
(Blood melts manhole cover)
Alien: Oh *beep* me! (Falls in manhole) *scream*
Predator: Whoa… That was awesome!
(Later)
Predator: Well everything is back to normal!
Ness: Thank God!
Ino: And my ponytail grew back!
Predator: Hey that’s great! No one cares.
Ino: Hey!
Ness: Well it is just a Ponytail Ino.
Ino: It’s not just a ponytail! It’s a way of life!
Predator: Dude calm down!
Ino: A way of life!
Ness: Yeah we get it!
Ino: Way of life!
Predator: Right… Anyway no hard feelings about the sword thing right Alien?
Alien: (Stares angrily at Predator)
Predator: What?
Alien: Fuck… You… (Collapses)
19
Cloverfield 90210
Pinhead: Now go Frankenstein! You know your mission!
Frankenstein: *Grunt* (leaves)
(At the apartment)
Frankenstein: *Grunt* (sees doorbell) Huh? (Rings door bell) Ha!
*Ding dong*
*Ding dong*
*Ding dong*
*Ding dong*
Alien: Someone’s at the door!
Frankenstein: Ding… dong…
Predator: (Shoots door) Not anymore they aren’t!
Pinhead: Damn it! They killed Frankenstein! Those bastards will have Hell to pay!
*ring* *ring*
Alien: Hello?
Freddy: I’m you’re boyfriend now Alien!
Alien: Freddy we’ve been over this!
Freddy: But I miss you Alien! We had something and you know it!
Alien: You knocked me out and raped me while I was unconscious… somehow.
Freddy: But I love you!
Alien: I told you I’m anti-sexual!
Freddy: I just love that in a guy!
Pinhead: Freddy, give me phone!
Freddy: Call me!
Alien: Go screw yourself!
Freddy: Yeah! You’d like that!
Alien: Damn it!
Pinhead: I said give it!
Freddy: Make me! (Runs away)
Pinhead: Get back here!
Freddy: Screw you Pincushion!
Pinhead: How dare you call me that? Only my mom can call me that!
Freddy: Mommy’s little pincushion!
Pinhead: Oh that’s it! Now you will have Hell to pay!
Freddy: Yeah! Make another hell pun!
Pinhead: What the hell is that supposed mean?
Freddy: Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Is that all you can say?
Pinhead: Like Hell it is! Damn it to hell! *beep* Hell! *grunt* Hell! (Explodes)
*dial tone*
Alien: *hangs up* Uh… okay?
(Meanwhile in Hell)
Freddy: Nice going Pinhead you got us both killed!
Pinhead: Shut up and dance monkey!
Freddy: *sigh* (Dances to don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me)
Pinhead: Now sing!
Freddy: Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Pinhead: Now take off the shirt! Slowly!
Freddy: (Takes off shirt) Don’t you wish you’re girlfriend was a freak like me? *sob*
Pinhead: Now the pants!
Freddy: Don’t you? *sob* *sob* (takes off pants) Don’t You? *sob* *sob*
Pinhead: The ritual is complete!
Freddy: R-ritual?
Pinhead: Yes the ritual to summon Clover! Why else would I make you do that?
Freddy: I feel so violated!
Pinhead: Shut up and sing!
Freddy: I like to move it! Move it!
Pinhead: I like to watch you move it!
(Back at the apartment)
Predator: And what the hell kind of evil name is Pinhead?
Ness: I know right? It’s like “Fear me mortals! I’m the evil Pinhead!”
Ino: Yeah! I just can’t take a name like that seriously!
*Boom!*
Predator: Did you guys hear something?
*Boom!*
Ino: Well I guess it’s my turn to look out the window.
*BOOM!*
(Room shakes)
Ino: *Sigh* (Opens blinds)
Clover: *Roar*
Ino: (Shuts blinds) It’s Clover!
Alien: What’s with the yelling?
Ike: Seriously!
Clover: (Grabs Ike)
Ino: Ike catch! (Throws steroid needle)
Predator: I knew it!
(Needle Hits Clover)
Clover: (Bulges with muscles) *Roar*
Ino: Sorry! Let me try again! (Throws more needles)
(All needles hit Clover)
Clover: (Grows bigger) (Muscles Bulge) *ROAR*
Ike: I regret nothing!
Clover: (Eats Ike)
Ness: How are we going to stop that thing?
Marth: I have an Idea! Get me… a smash ball!
(One smash ball later)
Marth: Okay! Now I’m going to use my final smash to chop that thing’s head off!
Predator: This ought to be good!
Marth: (Charges Clover) Die monster!
Clover: (Opens Mouth)
Marth: Oh *beep* me! (Flies into clover’s mouth)
Clover: (Closes mouth) *Gulps* (Eyes widen) (Pukes up Marth and Ike)
Ike: Screw this I’m out of here! (Leaves Fanfic)
Marth: What happened to “I fight for my friends!” huh Ike?
Ike: Screw that!
Marth: Well, That didn’t work as well as I’d hoped!
Ness: I thought something like that would happen.
Ino: Really?
Ness: Yeah! His final smash is deadly but easily avoidable.
Marth: Well let’s see you do better!
Ness: Alright! Get me a smash ball!
(One more smash ball later)
Ness: Okay everyone you know the drill! Under the table! PK Star storm!
Clover: *Flinches*
(Stars hit everything except the monster)
Clover: (Looks around) *Shrugs* (Destroys building)
Marth: Now whose final smash easily avoidable?
Ness: Shut up!
Ino: Look! It’s Master Chief!
(Halo theme plays)
Predator: Show off!
Master Chief: Alright men! Open fire!
(Soldiers shoot at Clover)
Clover: (looks at soldiers) *Stomps* (Sends soldiers flying)
Master Chief: My God! Time to bring in the scorpions! (Summons Scorpion) (Gets in)
Clover: (Looks at Scorpion) (Kicks Scorpion)
Master Chief: The chief is never beaten so long as he has this! (Takes out Spartan laser)
Clover: (squashes chief)
Predator: That was… mildly entertaining.
Alien: Will he be alright?
Predator: Don’t worry he’ll re-spawn in a couple seconds.
Alien: Oh! Well what do we do now?
Predator: Any ideas Ino?
Ino: Just one! Mind Transfer Jutsu! (Mind Flies out of body) (Body falls from building)
(Crash)
*Car alarm*
Ness: Ooh… That can’t be good!
Marth: Well at least she’ll be able to take control of Clover!
Ness: Think again! He just took 12 steps to the left!
Predator: Damn! Her one of many weaknesses!
Ino: (Mind returns to body) Oh God! The Pain! Kill me! *Scream*
Ness: Why the *beep* are you complaining? Aren’t you a medical ninja?
Ino: Both my shoulders were impaled during the fall! I can’t move my arms!
Clover: (Grabs Ino) *Roar* (Sends Ino flying into apartment)
Ino: (Hits apartment wall) (Falls on car again)
*Car alarm*
Ino: (Bleeds puddle of blood) Why? *scream of agony* It hurts!
(Clover drones crawl toward Ino)
Ino: Oh Come on!
Predator: (Shoots Drone)
(Drone leaps on Ino’s back)
Predator: (Aims Soulder cannon)
Marth: No! It’s too risky!
Predator: You’re right! (Throws javelin)
(Javelin Stabs drone and Ino)
Ino: *Scream of pain* Son of a bitch!
Ness: How’s she still alive after all this?
Clover: (Picks up Ino) (Bites Ino) (Shakes head) (Throws into building)
Ino: (Falls) Not again! (Hits car) Wait! Why are my kunai and shuriken bags empty?
(Kunai and shuriken land in Ino’s back)
Ino: *Scream of pain* Great! What else could possibly happen?
(Debris from apartment falls on Ino)
Ino: (Gets up) (Brushes off shoulders) I just had to ask. Okay plan B! (Throws kunai)
(Kunai bounces off clover)
Clover: (Stares at Ino) (Tilts head in confusion)
Ino: Plan C! (Charges at clover screaming)
Clover: (Looks at Ino as if to say “Are you really that stupid?”) (Kicks Ino)
Ino: (Crash lands in apartment) Plan D! Hey Clover! Your ugly and no one likes you!
Ness: Okay! No one can have a comeback for that!
Clover: (points to Cloverfield fan-club) (Flips off Ino)
Ness: Oh no! He did not just give Ino the fan-club bird!
Ino: Well I’m out of ideas.
Alien: Okay this has gone on long enough! I’m putting an end to this once and for all!
Predator: And just how will you do that?
Alien: Like this. (Leaps out of apartment) (Lands on car) Ouch! (Walks towards Clover)
Predator: What the hell is he doing?
Ness: He’s crazy!
Ino: Alien! Don’t be a hero!
Predator: Yeah! That’s my thing!
Alien: (Slices Clover’s Achilles’ tendon)
Clover: *Roar* (Collapses) (Dies)
Sasuke: (Walks out of bar) Hey guys what’d I miss?
Clover: (Falls on Sasuke’s bar)
Sasuke: (Turns around) Oh what the *beep* man! Seriously!
Predator: Now why the *beep* didn’t we think of that?
Marth: Because it was a simple solution.
Predator: Shut up!
Sasuke: Nice job taking out the monster Alien, but what’re you going to do for my bar?
Alien: Ooh… that… just talk to Ness he’ll take care of it. I’ll get rid of the body.
Sasuke: How are you going to do that?
Alien: (Eats clover’s body)
Sasuke: Oh my god! *shrugs* Well… whatever works I guess. (Walks away) Hey Ness!
(Later at the newly rebuilt Bar)
Ino: You actually let Sasuke keep the change for $200,000,000.00?
Ness: Yeah! I figured he could use it for an upgrade on the bar.
Predator: Apparently that hasn’t happened yet!
Sasuke: Oh! I could do that couldn’t I?
20
Explanations
(At the bar)
Ino: Hey Sasuke! Refill please! (Holds out mug)
Sasuke: (Refills mug)
Alien: You know I’ve been meaning to ask about that.
Sasuke: About what?
Alien: The fact she’s allowed to drink. Let alone be in here! I mean she’s 15!
Sasuke: Oh! Well what I do is I take a non-alcoholic beverage and give it to her!
Ino: (Spits out drink) You mean I’ve been getting fake wasted? I should kill where you stand!
Sasuke: *Flinches* Wait! Let me finish!
Ino: (Holds Kunai to Sasuke’s neck) Choose you’re next words carefully Uchiha!
Sasuke: I take some juice from the fruit Lee uses to get drunk, and put it in the drink!
Ino: Oh! (Sits down) I’ll take that!
Sasuke: Yeah! It’s legal, and it works!
Marth: Speaking of which… Didn’t you kill your brother?
Sasuke: Yeah… why?
Marth: But then why did you say you framed him the other day?
Sasuke: Oh… well… I kind of smoked some good *beep* and… yeah!
Marth: Oh! I see!
Ino: Why did you not tell me you had pot?
Sasuke: Yeah, I’m “totally” going to tell an ex-drug addict I have pot!
Ino: That was one time!
Sasuke: I’m pretty sure “one time” doesn’t lead to 5 months in rehab!
Ino: Shut up!
Sasuke: Hold on! Why are you even friends with Predator and Ness anyway?
Marth: Yeah! Come to think of it, Ino seemed like she would’ve been Alien’s friend!
Ino: Oh that! Well actually I just wanted to see what a xenomorph’s room looked like.
Alien: Hyper-intelligent xenomorph!
Ino: Whatever!
Predator: As for us being friends well… you tell them Ness.
Ness: We met her at the karaoke club, got a few drinks, and the rest is history!
Ino: Wait a minute! How is it that has a Job as a bar tender? He’s 16!
Sasuke: Well it turns out the governor is my #1 fan! So… yeah!
Ness: Well, how is it that you guys can talk perfect English?
Alien: I’m hyper-intelligent and he’s slightly smarter than the other predators.
Marth: What confuses me is why everyone is so freaked out by the platypus!
Alien: You’re kidding right?
Predator: Have you even seen that thing? A facehugger wouldn’t go near it!
Alien: It’s true! It wouldn’t!
Marth: Oh, come on! Is it really that freaky?
All: Yes!!!
Ness: I’ve fought taxis, road signs, record disks, guitars, coffee cups, but that… WOW!!!
Ino: I was literally traumatized when I first saw a platypus!
Marth: So it’s a venomous, aquatic mammal with a duck bill and beaver tail. So what?
Alien: You do know it lays eggs too right?
Marth: Holy crap! That thing is a freak of nature! You have made your point!
Sasuke: Well it’s almost closing time! Last call! Drinks are on the house!
Predator: Come on Alien! It’s the final chapter! Let’s get wasted! All of us!
Alien: Well… Oh what the heck. Fix us all a high ball Sasuke!
Marth: Or as Predator would say… Let’s get wasted!!!
Predator: Yeah! That’s the spirit! Let’s *beep* party!
All: *cheer*
(Everybody dance now plays in background)
The End
(If you’re still unclear on something that’s your problem)
Part 2
15
Night Time Madness
Predator: Well it’s Karaoke night once again! Bye Alien!
Alien: Ooh Karaoke! Can I come?
Predator: Fine!
Alien: Sweet!
At the bar…
Ness: Hi Predator!
Ino: Hey! Alien! I didn’t know you sang!
Alien: THAT’S what karaoke is?
Predator: What’d you think it was?
Alien: A Sushi bar…
Predator: And you’re supposed to be the smart one?
Alien: Shut up! Hey is that Marth singing?
Marth: Don’t stop… Believing! Hold on to that feeling!
Predator: Oh Yeah! He drives all the girls insane!
Marth: Thank you all! Thank you!
D.J.: Alright! Next we have Ness with Honesty!
Ness: If you search for tenderness… It isn’t hard to find…
Marth: Wow! Ness has an awesome voice!
Predator: You should see him when he sings Queen!
Ino: *sigh* It’s moments like these that I almost find him attractive!
Predator: You say that about every singer when you’re wasted!
Ino: You’re right! Y-you are so smart! You know? Because like… yeah!
Predator: I’m aware of that!
Ino: N-no! No! I-I really mean it you’re so smart! You know everything!
Alien: I definitely know you’re drunk!
Ino: *Laughs* You’re funny! You’re really funny! *sigh* *Falls* Whoops!
Ness: So what’d you think of me?
Alien: Well, with all “Honesty” I though you SUCKED! *Laughs*
Ino: (Raises hand) What’d I say? Funny! *chuckles* *sigh* (arm drops) Ouch!
Ness: (Bats Alien in shins)
Alien: *screams in pain* Damn it! *beep* *grunt* Ouch!
Ness: Now for Ino! (Raises bat)
Predator: Hold up Ness! She can’t help herself! She’s wasted… so not too hard!
Ness: That’s what she said!
Predator: *laughs* Nice! Also avoid the face!
Ness: She said that too!
Predator: *Laughs* Nice! (High fives Ness) Okay give her hell!
Ness: With Pleasure!!! (Knocks Ino unconscious) Well that was fun!
The next morning…
Ino: *Groan* What a night! Wait, this isn’t my apartment!
Ness: Yeah, About that! You see during the fumigation the termites retaliated by…
Ino: By…
Ness: Eating your apartment.
Ino: WHAT?
Ness: But, we we’re able to save your stuff so basically… Welcome home room mate!
Ino: Well I’ve stayed here before, I can do it again.
Ness: Only this time it’s forever!
Ino: At least we’re good friends so we can live with few problems.
Ness: I guess so. (Turns on TV)
Ino: So what’s your job?
Ness: You’re kidding right? I’m 13!
Ino: Then how’d you afford this?
Ness: Well my family is apparently loaded.
Ino: Really?
Ness: Yeah! My dad puts like $500 in my account every five minutes!
Ino: Damn!
Ness: I mean don’t get me wrong, I’d totally get a job if I could!
Ino: Well how come you can drink then if your 13?
Ness: I saved the planet! I think I EARNED the right to drink under aged!
Ino: You saved the planet?
Ness: Yep, I saved the planet from Giygas!
Ino: Who?
Ness: Exactly! Ancient history! Oh! “Whose line is it anyway?” is on!
Ino: Turn it up!
Predator: (Walks in) Hi guys!
Ness: Damn Predator Nice armor! Wait that’s Spartan armor!!!
Predator: Yeah! Every one on the force has it! It’s the new uniform!
Ino: How were the police able to afford Spartan armor?
Predator: Master Chief is the new chief of police!
Ness: Cool!
Predator: What’s better, we all get assigned Magnums AND Needlers!
Ness: As Standard weapons?
Predator: Yep!
Ness: Sweet! You got to hook me up man!
Predator: I’m already working on it! Uh-oh L-24 in progress! See you at the bar guys!
Ness: Bye!
Predator: (runs out door)
Ino: Wow! It must a lot of fun being a cop!
Ness: You have NO idea!
Ino: How do you know?
Ness: Predator showed me what it was like to be a cop by taking me to work with him!
Ino: Why wasn’t I invited?
Ness: We didn’t know you yet!
Ino: Oh! Okay!
Alien: Hi Ness! Hi Ino!
Ness: Hi Alien! What’s up?
Alien: Have you seen Marth around lately?
Ness: Try the bar. He said he was going to go for a drink of wine.
Alien: Thanks! (Leaves)
Ness: You know, I think I’ll go get a drink too! (Runs out door)
Ino: Wait up! (Follows Ness)
At the bar…
Predator: Ah yes the bar! The one place where I can be free!
Alien: (Runs in) Marth!
Predator: Ruined by the one I hate the second most!
Marth: Alien! Come on! Have a drink with us!
Alien: Eh, why not?
Marth: Sasuke! Another Wine!
Sasuke: *sigh* (Pours drink)
Alien: Hey Sasuke, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.
Sasuke: Go ahead.
Alien: You were one of the best ninjas in the village, so why are you a bartender?
Sasuke: Well you see it all started when--
Ness: (Busts in) Hi guys!
Ino: Hey Predator! Tonight’s shooting night right?
Predator: You got it!
Ino: But right now, let’s get wasted!
Sasuke: and that’s pretty much how it happened.
Alien: So you actually wanted to be a bartender rather than a ninja?
Sasuke: It’s been my life’s dream since I was a boy.
Predator: That explains why you were always so emo when you were a ninja!
Sasuke: Yes! That’s exactly the reason.
Ino: You mean it wasn’t because Itachi killed your whole clan?
Sasuke: Uh… about that.
Ino: What? (Sips drink)
Sasuke: I… Framed him for that and made him believe he did it!
Ino: (Spits drink) WHAT?
Sasuke: Well they didn’t support me in my dream to become a bartender so…
Ness: Something had to be done?
Sasuke: Yep!
Ness: I hear that!
Ino: Then why did you want him dead?
Sasuke: I was afraid he would discover the truth and Tell… Mom…on… me… crap!
Ness: (Falls on ground laughing)
Predator: Dude! You’ve been chasing your brother through the whole series for nothing!
Ino: Awkward!
Sasuke: Wow! I feel stupid!
Ness: *sigh* That’s funny!
Marth: But couldn’t he just tell someone else on you?
Sasuke: Everyone sees him as a criminal! Do you really think anyone would believe him?
Alien: He DOES have a point!
Sakura: (Walks in) Hi guys! (Gazes at Marth) Hey Marth!
Ness: Oh, brother!
Ino: I’ll say!
Predator: Come on let’s go shoot stuff!!! (Runs out door)
Ness: Coming! (Follows Predator)
Ino: Wait up! (Follows Ness)
Alien: What are they up to now?
Sasuke: They’re going out to shoot stuff.
Alien: WHAT?
Sasuke: They do it every Thursday.
Alien: Oh… I got to go! (Walks away) (Comes back) The exits THIS way! (Leaves)
Sakura: So Marth… I guess it’s just you and me now! (Grins)
Marth: *sigh* Oh boy!
(At the field)
Predator: I brought some guns from work this time! (Holds out bag)
Ness: Sweet!
Ino: Awesome!
Predator: For Ness (Reaches in bag) a needler! (Hands needler to Ness)
Ness: Okay!
Predator: And for Ino (Reaches in bag) an S.M.G. (Hands SMG to Ino)
Ino: Now we’re talking!
Predator: (activates flash bomb) Initiating count down! Run! Run! Run! (Runs away)
Ness: (Teleports)
Ino: (Teleports)
(Bomb goes off)
Ness: Time to move! (Peeks from rock) Ino 12:00! (Shoots like crazy)
Ino: (Becomes log)
Ness: Touché!
Ino: (Shoots at Ness)
Ness: Whoa! (Dodges bullets) (Shoots Ino) *Chuckles*
Predator: (shoots at Ness)
Ness: AH! (Falls) (Gets up) (Looks for Predator) Where are you?
Ino: (Shoots at Ness)
Ness: *Grunt* (Shoots Ino)
Predator: (Throws disk at Ness)
Ness: (Dodges)
Ino: (get hit by disc) *groan* *groan* (coughs up blood) (looks up)
Ness: (Shoots Ino Between eyes) Okay! (Gets stabbed by javelin) (Dies)
Predator: (Uses Phoenix down on Ino and Ness) That was fun!
Ness: Hell yeah!
Ino: Definitely!
Predator: Well good night guys! (Leaves)
Ness: Good night! Come on Ino!
Ino: Coming!
(At the apartment)
Alien: Did you have fun with you little toys?
Predator: Yes, but I had more fun with my guns!
Alien: Well how did that go?
Predator: I killed them both!
Alien: Ouch! Sorry to here that!
Predator: Oh, don’t worry, we had Phoenix downs!
Alien: Oh, Well that’s always nice to here! (Turns up TV)
Reporter: In other news a local cop was found shot to the point of death before rescued.
Alien: Wow!
Reporter: Wow indeed!
Alien: What?
Reporter: The victim was identified as Sakura Haruno!
Alien: WHAT?
Reporter: Her body was found in Local Field.
Predator: Local Field?
Reporter: Yes! Local Field! Police chief Master Chief had this to say!
Master Chief: Judging from the wounds, she seemed to have been hit by a needler.
Predator: Needler?
Master Chief: One of the needles appears to have hit one of her smoke grenades.
Predator: (Turns Invisible) (Runs away)
Alien: Predator you wouldn’t know anything about this would you?
(At Ness’ house)
*Knock *Knock* *Knock*
Ino: I’ll get it. (Walks to door)
Predator: (Breaks down door) NESS!!!
Ino: (Gets hit by door)
Predator: Sorry Ino!
Ino: (Gives thumbs up)
Ness: I saw the report! How lucky are we huh?
Predator: What are you saying?
Ness: They got the wrong guy!
Predator: Who’d they get?
Ness: A teddy bear!
Predator: Wow! The people I work with are idiots!
Ness: I’ll say! Um… Maybe you should get off Ino!
Predator: Oh, Sorry! (Gets off door)
Ino: (gets up) *Gasp*
Predator: Sorry again about the whole door thing!
Ino: No problem. (Brushes of arms)
Ness: Never the less we have to be more careful with the guns!
Predator: You’re joking right?
Ness: Yeah!
Predator: Good! Now since we’re all here, let’s get wasted!
Ness: WHOO!
Ino: Now you’re talking!
(Back with Alien)
Alien: So anyway Sakura got shot.
Marth: Oh, That sucks.
Alien: She’s alive though!
Marth: Oh, That sucks.
Alien: *Chuckles* You’re kidding correct?
Marth: Pretty obvious!
Alien: Anyways, How’s it been with you?
Marth: Great! Simply wonderful!
Alien: That bad huh?
Marth: I’m so damn Lonely! (Sips Drink) *sob*
Alien: Really?
Marth: NO! *Laughs*
Alien: *laughs*
*ding dong*
Alien: That must be Ike! (Answers door) Ike! Come in.
Ike: Thank you!
Alien: So anyway how have you been Ike?
Ike: Fine! Fine!
Alien: You know, I’ve noticed something we never do anything fun!
Ike: You know you’re right!
Marth: Let’s go out and do something fun tonight!
Alien: First we must think of something!
Ike: How about--
Alien: We’re not going to burn things Ike!
Ike: Aw! Well then how about we stab, slice, cut and destroy things?
Alien: NO!!!
Ike: PLEASE!!!
Marth: NO!!!
Ike: Fine!
Alien: Hmm… (Snaps fingers) I got it!
(At the park)
Man: Oh dear! I do hope I Get home in time for dinner!
Alien: (Leaps From bush) *Hiss*
Man: *Screams* (runs away)
Alien: *laughs* That was awesome!
Marth: My turn! Here comes someone!
Man: What a great night for a walk!
Marth: (Leaps from bush) I’m the bush Man!
Man: (Runs away screaming)
Marth: *laughs*
Alien: Bushman?
Marth: I don’t know either.
Ike: My turn!
Woman: Just walking along!
Ike: (Leaps From bush) *shouts* (Slices head Woman’s head off)
Marth: Dude! What the *beep* man?
Ike: What?
Alien: You just *beep* Killed someone!
Ike: What? Was I not supposed to?
Alien: Not like that no! Everyone knows you eat the body after the kill!
Ike: But I’m not a cannibal!
Alien: Oh, Right! Well give it here then no use letting it go to waste!
Ike: (gives body to Alien)
Alien: You may want to look away! (Ferociously eats body)
Marth: I’ll never sleep well again!
Alien: Hey I resent that remark, but I guess I can’t blame you.
Marth: Well you do eat humans!
Alien: Yes, that’s true.
Marth: Oh, here comes Predator!
Ike: Okay get ready!
Predator: (walks by)
Marth: Hi Predator!
Predator: Holy crap! (Shoots Marth) (Pummels Marth)
Marth: Predator it’s me Marth!
Predator: (stops) Oh… Sorry!
Alien: Dude!
Predator: Well what’d you expect? I’m freaking Predator! I attack if provoked!
Marth: I taste blood!
Predator: Well you had it coming queer! Hey what are you guys doing anyway?
Alien: We decided to have a special activity for each day of the week!
Predator: Really?
Alien: Yep! Tonight’s scare the crap out of people night!
Predator: No way! That’s what we’re doing!
Marth: Wow!
Predator: So what’s your method?
Alien: Well we wait for people to walk by and just jump out of this bush!
Predator: …That’s it?
Alien: Yep!
Predator: Oh, come on! I expected a lot more from a horror star!
Alien: Oh Yeah? I’d like to see you do any better!
Predator: Watch and learn! (Becomes invisible)
Man: (walks by)
*rustle* *rustle*
Man: Hello? Is someone there?
Predator: *growl*
Man: H-hello?
Predator: (throws smoke bomb)
Man: What’s happening? Who’s there?
Predator: (becomes visible) *growls* (slowly walks toward man)
Man: (Backs away) (Trips)
Predator: (takes out claws) (approaches Man) (takes off mask)
Man: *whimper*
Predator: *Roar*
Man: (Runs away screaming)
Predator: THAT’S how it’s done!
Marth: Damn!
Alien: And I thought I was the scary one!
Marth: What did you think Ike? Ike?
Ike: …
Marth: I think he’s Petrified!
Predator: He’ll be fine in about five minutes!
Ness: Nice one Predator!
Predator: Thanks Ness! Well I hope you all learned something from that! See you!
Alien: Bye!
Predator: (Walks away)
Alien: Well I guess we should go home then!
Marth: Yeah good Idea!
(Back at the apartment)
Predator: What’s with all the guns?
Alien: I’m hooking a security system up to my room!
Predator: Am I really THAT scary!
Alien: No! I’m just sick of you sneaking into my room so you can draw on my face!
Predator: Trust me if it were me, It would be more then just drawing stuff on you!
Alien: Whatever! the point is I’m tired of waking up with drawings on my face!
Predator: Okay Goodnight!
(The next morning)
Alien: Son of a bitch! Those damn raccoons!
Predator: So much for your security system!
Alien: Oh shut up!
Predator: Look, all you need to do is turn it on! (Flicks switch)
Alien: I hate you so much!
16
Night of the living dearly departed
Pinhead: What the hell is wrong with you guys?
All: Sorry sir!
Pinhead: Why are you apologizing to me? Apologize to yourselves!
Freddy: Why?
Pinhead: You got beat up by a KID!!!
Chucky: Yeah seriously you guys suck!
Pinhead: Shut up Chucky!
Chucky: Yes sir.
Pinhead: Looks like I’m left with no choice! Send out Jaws!
(At the apartment)
*ding dong*
Alien: I’ll get it! (Answers door) Why is there a dead great white shark at our door?
Predator: Sweet! Fresh meat! (Drags in shark)
Alien: Gross!
Predator: Yeah that’s coming from a guy with 2 mouths!
Alien: Son of a bitch Predator!
Pinhead: What do you mean Jaws is dead?
Hannibal: Well sharks do need to be in water to breathe as well as constantly in motion.
Pinhead: Damn it! I just put him on the front porch!
Hannibal: That would explain it!
Pinhead: Well what am I supposed to do now?
Hannibal: Well you could try zombies.
Pinhead: Thank you Hannibal! Zombies Arise!
(Meanwhile with predator)
Predator: More shark anyone?
Marth: Hey guys, check this out!
Reporter: In other news there have been sightings of zombies in the area!
Ike: Zombies?
Reporter: That’s right Ike! Zombies!
Ike: Wait What?
Reporter: Mr. Zombie, what is the reason for this rampage?
Zombie: Well we’ve been summoned by our masters to take out a kid named Ness.
Reporter: And what might Ness look like?
Zombie: He’s small, has a huge head…
Ness: Hey!
Zombie: Wears a red hat, striped shirt and blue shorts.
Reporter: Is this him? (Holds out picture of Ness)
Zombie: No, That’s just a picture of him. (Points to Ness) That’s him there!
Ness: What?
Reporter: Where?
Zombie: He’s right outside the TV! Get him! (Breaks through TV screen)
Ness: What the hell?
Zombie: *groan*
Ness: How’d he do that?
Predator: Quick! Change the channel!
Ness: He broke the TV Screen!
Predator: That crafty son of a bitch!
Alien: But, Why are they going after you Ness?
Ness: Call it a hunch, but I think they were sent by the Horror Mafia!
Alien: What? The Horror Mafia?
Ness: Yeah! They put a hit on me!
Alien: Why would they put a hit on you?
Ness: I found out that their leader is actually Pinhead! Oops!
Alien: What?
Ness: By telling you the identity of their leader I put you all on the hit list!
All: Son of a bitch Ness!
Zombie: *Groan*
Predator: Shut up you! (Shoots zombie in head)
Ness: Nice shot! Now let’s get to the roof!
Ino: What makes you think we’ll be safe up there?
Ness: Zombies are scared of heights!
Marth: Wait, why are you in command?
Ness: Because I’ve dealt with zombies before! Now let’s go! (Runs to roof)
Ike: Good enough for me!
All: (follow Ness)
(On the roof)
Alien: Wow! Look at all the Dead video game and Anime characters!
Ike: There’s Aeries from Final Fantasy 7!
Ino: And there’s The 3rd Hokage, and the Uchiha Clan!
Marth: And there’s my sister! *Sob*
Predator: Wuss!
Ike: Well it looks like were screwed!
Predator: Not exactly! (Holds out walkie-talkie) Chief, we need Help! Now!
Master Chief: On my way! (Halo theme plays)
Ino: The chief of police? What’s he going to do?
Master Chief: (Rides toward building on hornet) I’m going to save your asses!
Predator: Yeah! (Jumps toward Hornet) (Hits head on Wing) *Grunt*
Master Chief: Oh! You can’t board while I’m in the hornet!
Predator: Now he tells me! (Hits ground)
Zombies: (Gather at Crater)
Predator: (Gets up) Oh *beep* me!
Zombies: (attack Predator)
Predator: (climbs up building) Ouch! Damn it!
Master Chief: (Lands) (gets out) Ness, Predator, get on!
Alien: What about us?
Master Chief: Keep them distracted! (Flies away)
Alien: Yeah, Sure! Just leave us here! No big deal!
Ino: That’s right Alien! Keep a positive outlook!
Alien: I’m being sarcastic!
Ino: Well that doesn’t seem very positive.
Alien: *sigh*
Marth: Look! (Points)
Predator: (Soars in on Hornet) You coming or what?
Ino: You know it Predator! (Gets in hornet)
Alien: Well I’ll be damned! (Climbs on)
Marth: Well What about us?
Master Chief: You’re coming with me!
Ike: Yes sir! (Gets on hornet)
Marth: (Gets on hornet) So where’s Ness?
Master Chief: He’s setting down the zombie paper at points A, B and C!
Marth: Zombie Paper?
Master Chief: Yeah! It like fly paper, only it’s for zombies!
Marth: You do realize how stupid that is right?
Master Chief: Look Below and tell me how stupid it is!
Marth: (Looks down) Well I’ll be… It Worked!
(Later)
Master Chief: Well the zombies are taken care of!
Ness: Uh…
Master Chief: They are taken care of right?
Ness: The zombies, Yes, The victims, not so much.
Master Chief: What do you mean?
Ness: Apple kid designed the paper to work only on risen zombies not the victims!
Master Chief: Son of a bitch Ness!
Ino: Oh come on! There’s probably not too many! (Opens door)
Zombies: *Groan*
Ino: (Slams door) There’s millions of them!
Ness: Wait I have an idea!
Master Chief: What is it?
Ness: Get me a smash ball!
Ino: I doubt getting drunk is the answer Ness!
Predator: Blasphemy!
Ness: I said smash ball, not high ball! Wait… Oh! I get it! “Smash” ball!
Predator: As in Smashed!
Ness and Predator: *laughs*
Ness: *sigh* But seriously get me a smash ball!
(One smash ball later)
Ness: Now everyone take cover!
All: (Hides under table)
Ness: PK Starstorm!
(Meteors fall and blow up every thing)
Predator: Is it done?
Ness: Yeah it’s done!
Predator: Okay good! Come on out guys! It’s done!
All: (Come out from Hiding)
Ness: You hid beneath a table?
Predator: Yup!
Ness: Good choice!
Master Chief: You do realize you now owe the city millions of dollars in damage right?
Ness: Eh, My account can take care of that.
Master Chief: What?
Ness: (Activates ATM) So, how much do I owe the city?
Master Chief: Two million dollars.
Ness: Alright! (Gets money) (Hands money to Chief) Here you go!
Master Chief: How did you get two million dollars, Royalty Checks?
Ness: That, and my father puts about one thousand dollars in my account every day!
Ino: Damn! You’re freaking rich!
Ness: Yeah I know!
(Days Later)
Governor: And so, it is with great pride that I award Ness with, with the hero’s medal!
Alien: Is that even a real award?
Ino: Who cares? My friend’s a hero!
Ness: Thank You! I would personally like to thank my friend Predator, who could not be here because of his fear of the governor.
Audience:*laughs*
Ness: I also would like to thank Master Chief for coming to our rescue!
Master Chief: You’re Welcome!
Ness: And finally, I’d like to thank Apple Kid, for providing me with the zombie paper!
Audience: *Applauds*
Ness: Oh, And Thanks to Poo for teaching me PK Starstorm!
(Elsewhere)
Pinhead: You haven’t won yet Ness! Soon you will experience HELL! *Laughs*
17
Dare to be stupid
(At the apartment)
Ino: So… what do we do now?
Predator: Let’s play dare!
Ness: How do you play?
Predator: I dare you to take Marth’s sword!
Ness: No Problem! Be right back!
(5 minutes later)
Predator: So how'd it go?
Ness: (Walks in covered I cuts)
Predator: *Laughs*
Ino: Oh my god! Ness! Are you okay?
Ness: (holds out sword) It put up a fight, but I got it! (Collapses)
Predator: (Bursts into laughter)
Marth: Have any of you guys seen my sword? (Sees Ness) Oh there it is!
Ness: *Gurgle*
Marth: You should probably get him to a hospital!
Predator: Oh, I’m sure he’ll be fine!
Ghost Ness: Guess again!
Predator: Oh, Snap….
(One hospitalization later)
Ino: Okay now that that’s over, I dare Predator to… jump off a building!!!
Predator: WAY AHEAD YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU! (Hits ground)
Ness: Dude! Are you okay?
Predator: (Climbs out of crater) That… was… AWESOME!!!
Ino: Damn! You can take a punch!
Ness: Alright then, I dare Ino to… Kunai an apple off my head!
Ino: Oh, that’s easy!
Ness: Blindfolded!
Ino: Now you have something!
Predator: (Blindfolds Ino) Okay throw!
Ino: (throws Kunai at Ness’ Nuts) Did I get it! Ooh!
Ness: What? (Looks Down) *Scream*
Predator: (Bursts into laughter)
(One more hospital trip later)
Ino: No hard feelings about the whole knife to the balls thing right?
Ness: Nah! It’s cool! Happens all the time!
Predator: Okay, I dare Ino to… Go purpose to Sakura while disguised as Marth!
Ino: Oh! That’s good! (Puts on sign that reads “Marth not Ino” on it) Be right back.
(Some time later)
Predator: Hey! Here she comes!
Ino: Run for your life Sakura is pissed! (Runs by)
Sakura: Get back here Ino you Bitch! Hi Guys. How dare you mess with my heart?
(Yet another hospital trip later)
Predator: Christ! What’d she do to you?
Ino: You don’t want to know!
Ness: Anyways, I dare Predator to… Ask the governor for a cup of sugar!
Predator: NO! Not that! Anything but that!
(Later at the governor’s house)
Predator: Stupid Ness Playing that damn chicken card! (Rings door bell)
Arnold: (Opens door) Hello, how can I help you fine sir?
Predator: *Gulp* Well I was w-wondering if I could have a cup of sugar. Don’t hurt me!
Arnold: Certainly! (Gets sugar) Here you are. (Gives Predator sugar) have a nice day!
Predator: Thank you sir. (Runs away)
Ness: So how was it?
Predator: I got your damn sugar you evil hearted bastard!
Ness: *Laughs* *sigh* Alright Ino. You’re next!
Ino: Let’s me see, I dare Ness to…
Marth: Hey guys what are you doing?
Predator: Oh, We’re just playing dare.
Marth: That’s cool. Can I play?
Ino: Sure!
Marth: Okay sweet! I have the best dare ever!
Predator: Alright Shoot!
Marth: Alright! I dare you… to divide by zero!
Predator: One divided by zero equals…
Ness and Ino: NO!!!
BOOM!
Predator: Wow! The calculator just exploded!
18
Predator must die
(At the headquarters of the horror mafia)
Pinhead: I trust you’ll see to it that our plans are taken care of!
Assassin: Don’t worry! Your plan WILL go undisturbed! I’ll see to that!
Pinhead: Excellent! Soon that damn cop will be off our trail once and for all!
Assassin: Cop? I thought you wanted the kid dead.
Pinhead: Well if we kill the child first the cop will find us!
Assassin: How do you know?
Pinhead: This cop has ways!
Assassin: Such as?
Pinhead: If I knew I wouldn’t need you!
Assassin: So wait, Am I supposed to kill this cop or find out the cop’s ways?
Pinhead: Just go kill the cop!
Assassin: Don’t worry I’ll be sure give this cop Hell! *Leaves*
Pinhead: Hey! That’s not bad! I’d better ad that to my list of Hell Puns!
(At the bar)
Predator: Gentlemen! Ino! I have brought you here to witness the answer!
Alien: Answer? Oh God! What are you doing now?
Predator: I’ve decided to answer a question that has plagued mankind for ages!
Alien: And just what question is that?
Predator: What would happen if a woman took Viagra?
All but Alien: *gasp* He’s a mad man! A MAD MAN!!!
Alien: And how will get a woman to actually take Viagra?
Predator: Go on Sasuke.
Sasuke: Thank you Predator! When Sakura asks for her drink I’ll slip it in!
Predator: She won’t know what hit her! Are there any questions?
Ness: Who’s the guy in the trench coat?
Predator: Who cares?
Assassin: Everything is ready! The bomb is in place and no one suspects a thing!
Sakura: *Walks in* Hey guys! Sasuke, get me a cup of whine!
Sasuke: Sure thing! (Pours drink) (Puts in Viagra) Here you are!
Sakura: (sips drink)
Predator: This is it guys!
Assassin: (Detonates bomb)
Predator: She exploded!
Ness: Damn!
Ino: Naruto is going to be pissed!
Alien: Uh… No he isn’t…
Predator: Dude! We KILLED Sakura!
Alien: But, I killed Naruto!
All: WHAT?
Predator: Why would you do that?
Alien: Well…
(Flashback)
Alien: I’m just walking home.
Naruto: Give me all your money! (Holds out knife)
Alien: Oh dear god! (Stabs Naruto in heart) Oh boy!
Predator: You stabbed him?
Alien: He tried to rob me! It was self-defense!
Predator: Then what’d you do with the body?
Alien: Well…
(Flashback)
Alien: (Drags Naruto into alley) Oh God! I hope no one sees this! (Eats Naruto) Not bad!
Ino: You ate his body?
Predator: Please tell me you saved his skull!
Alien: (Holds out skull)
Predator: Mine! (Swipes skull) All is forgiven!
Assassin: Predator! Looks like my mission isn’t over yet!
Pinhead: *click* What do you mean? Sakura is dead! *click*
Assassin: But I have a score to settle with the Predator!
Pinhead: *click* Oh… Carry on then! *click*
Predator: Come on guys let’s go home! (Walks out)
Assassin: (Hides in shadow)
Predator: (Walks by) Hi Lyn!
Lyn: Damn it! Was I that obvious?
Predator: Your heat signature was right there!
Lyn: Oh yeah I got to work on that. Wait a minute I hate you! (Takes out gun)
Predator: Jeez! When did you start using a gun?
Lyn: Shut up! (Pulls trigger) *click* What the? *click* *click*
Predator: The gun’s not loaded.
Lyn: Aw, Damn it!
Predator: And you call your-self an assassin?
Lyn: Shut up! (Slashes Predator)
Predator: *Screams in pain*
Ness: What the hell Lyn?
Lyn: Shut up you! (Slashes Predator)
Predator: *Screams in pain* Why’d you hit me?
Lyn: For making me an assist trophy!
Predator: You never paid me my 5 bucks!
Lyn: That’s no excuse! Die!
Predator: Wait!
Lyn: What?
Predator: (Runs away)
Lyn: Damn! The old wait run away trick! Gets me every time!
(Meanwhile)
Predator: Now what am I going to do?
Ness: Why don’t you just sneak up on her while you’re invisible?
Predator: I guess I could try that. (Turns invisible)
Ness: Here she comes!
Predator: (Sneaks behind Lyn)
(Sneaking music plays)
Lyn: Marco!
Predator: Polo!
Lyn: (Takes out sword)
Predator: Oh Crap!
Lyn: (Charges)
Predator: Damn You Tip-toe music, and damn you Marco Polo!
(Later)
Ness: So how’d it go?
Predator: (Becomes visible) Call a hospital!
Ness: Why?
Predator: (Blood gushes out of body) Let’s just say it didn’t work!
Ness: That bad huh?
Predator: Just call a hospital man!
Ness: Fine!
(One hospital trip later)
Predator: Okay that’s settled!
Ino: Hey guys!
Predator: Ino, where were you? And why is she here?
Ino: Oh this is Lyn! She said she had some business to sort out with you!
Lyn: That I do! (Charges at Predator)
Ino: (Blocks Lyn) Whoa! I thought you just had some business to sort out with him!
Lyn: I meant I wanted to kill him!
Ino: Hey, I don’t know what Predator did, but violence is not the answer!
Lyn: (Slices off Ino’s ponytail)
Ino: You sliced off my Pony tale! You bitch! (Cut’s off Lyn’s Ponytail)
Lyn: (Eyes widen) (Feels head) You’ve just made a very powerful enemy!
Ino: Bring it bitch! (Takes out knives)
Lyn: (Takes out sword)
Ino: Crap! (Runs away) Disguise jutsu! (Puts on sign that says not Ino)
Ness: Wow! That’s going to fool her!
Lyn: Hey! Have you seen a girl who looks just like you run by recently?
Ino: Yes, She went strait ahead!
Lyn: Thanks! (Runs off)
Ness: Well I’ll be damned!
Predator: This gives me an idea!
(Elsewhere)
Alien: Nothing like a walk to clear the mind!
Predator: Hey Alien! Could you do your impersonation of me? Ness wants to see it!
Alien: Sure! Anything to make fun of you!
Predator: Oh, and put this on. (Puts sign on Alien)
Alien: It’s just a sign that says Predator.
Predator: Yeah it… adds to the illusion!
Alien: Ah! Yes! Of course!
Predator: Now I’m just going to turn invisible (turns invisible) and go somewhere safe.
Alien: Uh… Okay… *Clears throat*
Lyn: There’s Predator… or is it?
Alien: I’m Predator! I can be invisible! I collect skulls and if you touch them I get pissed!
Lyn: Oh yeah! That’s him! DIE!!! (Stabs Alien)
Alien: *screams* Son of a bitch! (Melts sword)
Lyn: *gasp* My sword!
Predator: (Rips out Lyn’s skull) Fatality Mother *beep*!
Alien: Oh the pain! (Falls down)
Predator: You alright alien?
(Blood melts ground)
Alien: (Falls in hole) *Scream*
(Blood melts power cord)
Alien: (Get shocked) (Gets blown up) (Lands on fire hydrant)
(Fire hydrant bursts open)
(Sends Alien flying)
Alien: (Gets tangled in power chords)
(Blood Melts chords)
(Chords Shock Alien)
Alien: *Scream*
(Explosion sends Alien flying in hole with chord)
(Chord shocks Alien)
Alien: *Scream* Not again!
(Explosion launches Alien upward)
Alien: (Grabs ledge of building) (Coughs up blood)
(Blood melts ledge)
Alien: Oh Crap! (Falls into whole with cord again)
(Chord shocks alien)
Alien: *Screams*
(Explosion sends Alien flying)
Alien: (Lands on Manhole) Oh thank god it’s over!
(Blood melts manhole cover)
Alien: Oh *beep* me! (Falls in manhole) *scream*
Predator: Whoa… That was awesome!
(Later)
Predator: Well everything is back to normal!
Ness: Thank God!
Ino: And my ponytail grew back!
Predator: Hey that’s great! No one cares.
Ino: Hey!
Ness: Well it is just a Ponytail Ino.
Ino: It’s not just a ponytail! It’s a way of life!
Predator: Dude calm down!
Ino: A way of life!
Ness: Yeah we get it!
Ino: Way of life!
Predator: Right… Anyway no hard feelings about the sword thing right Alien?
Alien: (Stares angrily at Predator)
Predator: What?
Alien: Fuck… You… (Collapses)
19
Cloverfield 90210
Pinhead: Now go Frankenstein! You know your mission!
Frankenstein: *Grunt* (leaves)
(At the apartment)
Frankenstein: *Grunt* (sees doorbell) Huh? (Rings door bell) Ha!
*Ding dong*
*Ding dong*
*Ding dong*
*Ding dong*
Alien: Someone’s at the door!
Frankenstein: Ding… dong…
Predator: (Shoots door) Not anymore they aren’t!
Pinhead: Damn it! They killed Frankenstein! Those bastards will have Hell to pay!
*ring* *ring*
Alien: Hello?
Freddy: I’m you’re boyfriend now Alien!
Alien: Freddy we’ve been over this!
Freddy: But I miss you Alien! We had something and you know it!
Alien: You knocked me out and raped me while I was unconscious… somehow.
Freddy: But I love you!
Alien: I told you I’m anti-sexual!
Freddy: I just love that in a guy!
Pinhead: Freddy, give me phone!
Freddy: Call me!
Alien: Go screw yourself!
Freddy: Yeah! You’d like that!
Alien: Damn it!
Pinhead: I said give it!
Freddy: Make me! (Runs away)
Pinhead: Get back here!
Freddy: Screw you Pincushion!
Pinhead: How dare you call me that? Only my mom can call me that!
Freddy: Mommy’s little pincushion!
Pinhead: Oh that’s it! Now you will have Hell to pay!
Freddy: Yeah! Make another hell pun!
Pinhead: What the hell is that supposed mean?
Freddy: Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Is that all you can say?
Pinhead: Like Hell it is! Damn it to hell! *beep* Hell! *grunt* Hell! (Explodes)
*dial tone*
Alien: *hangs up* Uh… okay?
(Meanwhile in Hell)
Freddy: Nice going Pinhead you got us both killed!
Pinhead: Shut up and dance monkey!
Freddy: *sigh* (Dances to don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me)
Pinhead: Now sing!
Freddy: Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Pinhead: Now take off the shirt! Slowly!
Freddy: (Takes off shirt) Don’t you wish you’re girlfriend was a freak like me? *sob*
Pinhead: Now the pants!
Freddy: Don’t you? *sob* *sob* (takes off pants) Don’t You? *sob* *sob*
Pinhead: The ritual is complete!
Freddy: R-ritual?
Pinhead: Yes the ritual to summon Clover! Why else would I make you do that?
Freddy: I feel so violated!
Pinhead: Shut up and sing!
Freddy: I like to move it! Move it!
Pinhead: I like to watch you move it!
(Back at the apartment)
Predator: And what the hell kind of evil name is Pinhead?
Ness: I know right? It’s like “Fear me mortals! I’m the evil Pinhead!”
Ino: Yeah! I just can’t take a name like that seriously!
*Boom!*
Predator: Did you guys hear something?
*Boom!*
Ino: Well I guess it’s my turn to look out the window.
*BOOM!*
(Room shakes)
Ino: *Sigh* (Opens blinds)
Clover: *Roar*
Ino: (Shuts blinds) It’s Clover!
Alien: What’s with the yelling?
Ike: Seriously!
Clover: (Grabs Ike)
Ino: Ike catch! (Throws steroid needle)
Predator: I knew it!
(Needle Hits Clover)
Clover: (Bulges with muscles) *Roar*
Ino: Sorry! Let me try again! (Throws more needles)
(All needles hit Clover)
Clover: (Grows bigger) (Muscles Bulge) *ROAR*
Ike: I regret nothing!
Clover: (Eats Ike)
Ness: How are we going to stop that thing?
Marth: I have an Idea! Get me… a smash ball!
(One smash ball later)
Marth: Okay! Now I’m going to use my final smash to chop that thing’s head off!
Predator: This ought to be good!
Marth: (Charges Clover) Die monster!
Clover: (Opens Mouth)
Marth: Oh *beep* me! (Flies into clover’s mouth)
Clover: (Closes mouth) *Gulps* (Eyes widen) (Pukes up Marth and Ike)
Ike: Screw this I’m out of here! (Leaves Fanfic)
Marth: What happened to “I fight for my friends!” huh Ike?
Ike: Screw that!
Marth: Well, That didn’t work as well as I’d hoped!
Ness: I thought something like that would happen.
Ino: Really?
Ness: Yeah! His final smash is deadly but easily avoidable.
Marth: Well let’s see you do better!
Ness: Alright! Get me a smash ball!
(One more smash ball later)
Ness: Okay everyone you know the drill! Under the table! PK Star storm!
Clover: *Flinches*
(Stars hit everything except the monster)
Clover: (Looks around) *Shrugs* (Destroys building)
Marth: Now whose final smash easily avoidable?
Ness: Shut up!
Ino: Look! It’s Master Chief!
(Halo theme plays)
Predator: Show off!
Master Chief: Alright men! Open fire!
(Soldiers shoot at Clover)
Clover: (looks at soldiers) *Stomps* (Sends soldiers flying)
Master Chief: My God! Time to bring in the scorpions! (Summons Scorpion) (Gets in)
Clover: (Looks at Scorpion) (Kicks Scorpion)
Master Chief: The chief is never beaten so long as he has this! (Takes out Spartan laser)
Clover: (squashes chief)
Predator: That was… mildly entertaining.
Alien: Will he be alright?
Predator: Don’t worry he’ll re-spawn in a couple seconds.
Alien: Oh! Well what do we do now?
Predator: Any ideas Ino?
Ino: Just one! Mind Transfer Jutsu! (Mind Flies out of body) (Body falls from building)
(Crash)
*Car alarm*
Ness: Ooh… That can’t be good!
Marth: Well at least she’ll be able to take control of Clover!
Ness: Think again! He just took 12 steps to the left!
Predator: Damn! Her one of many weaknesses!
Ino: (Mind returns to body) Oh God! The Pain! Kill me! *Scream*
Ness: Why the *beep* are you complaining? Aren’t you a medical ninja?
Ino: Both my shoulders were impaled during the fall! I can’t move my arms!
Clover: (Grabs Ino) *Roar* (Sends Ino flying into apartment)
Ino: (Hits apartment wall) (Falls on car again)
*Car alarm*
Ino: (Bleeds puddle of blood) Why? *scream of agony* It hurts!
(Clover drones crawl toward Ino)
Ino: Oh Come on!
Predator: (Shoots Drone)
(Drone leaps on Ino’s back)
Predator: (Aims Soulder cannon)
Marth: No! It’s too risky!
Predator: You’re right! (Throws javelin)
(Javelin Stabs drone and Ino)
Ino: *Scream of pain* Son of a bitch!
Ness: How’s she still alive after all this?
Clover: (Picks up Ino) (Bites Ino) (Shakes head) (Throws into building)
Ino: (Falls) Not again! (Hits car) Wait! Why are my kunai and shuriken bags empty?
(Kunai and shuriken land in Ino’s back)
Ino: *Scream of pain* Great! What else could possibly happen?
(Debris from apartment falls on Ino)
Ino: (Gets up) (Brushes off shoulders) I just had to ask. Okay plan B! (Throws kunai)
(Kunai bounces off clover)
Clover: (Stares at Ino) (Tilts head in confusion)
Ino: Plan C! (Charges at clover screaming)
Clover: (Looks at Ino as if to say “Are you really that stupid?”) (Kicks Ino)
Ino: (Crash lands in apartment) Plan D! Hey Clover! Your ugly and no one likes you!
Ness: Okay! No one can have a comeback for that!
Clover: (points to Cloverfield fan-club) (Flips off Ino)
Ness: Oh no! He did not just give Ino the fan-club bird!
Ino: Well I’m out of ideas.
Alien: Okay this has gone on long enough! I’m putting an end to this once and for all!
Predator: And just how will you do that?
Alien: Like this. (Leaps out of apartment) (Lands on car) Ouch! (Walks towards Clover)
Predator: What the hell is he doing?
Ness: He’s crazy!
Ino: Alien! Don’t be a hero!
Predator: Yeah! That’s my thing!
Alien: (Slices Clover’s Achilles’ tendon)
Clover: *Roar* (Collapses) (Dies)
Sasuke: (Walks out of bar) Hey guys what’d I miss?
Clover: (Falls on Sasuke’s bar)
Sasuke: (Turns around) Oh what the *beep* man! Seriously!
Predator: Now why the *beep* didn’t we think of that?
Marth: Because it was a simple solution.
Predator: Shut up!
Sasuke: Nice job taking out the monster Alien, but what’re you going to do for my bar?
Alien: Ooh… that… just talk to Ness he’ll take care of it. I’ll get rid of the body.
Sasuke: How are you going to do that?
Alien: (Eats clover’s body)
Sasuke: Oh my god! *shrugs* Well… whatever works I guess. (Walks away) Hey Ness!
(Later at the newly rebuilt Bar)
Ino: You actually let Sasuke keep the change for $200,000,000.00?
Ness: Yeah! I figured he could use it for an upgrade on the bar.
Predator: Apparently that hasn’t happened yet!
Sasuke: Oh! I could do that couldn’t I?
20
Explanations
(At the bar)
Ino: Hey Sasuke! Refill please! (Holds out mug)
Sasuke: (Refills mug)
Alien: You know I’ve been meaning to ask about that.
Sasuke: About what?
Alien: The fact she’s allowed to drink. Let alone be in here! I mean she’s 15!
Sasuke: Oh! Well what I do is I take a non-alcoholic beverage and give it to her!
Ino: (Spits out drink) You mean I’ve been getting fake wasted? I should kill where you stand!
Sasuke: *Flinches* Wait! Let me finish!
Ino: (Holds Kunai to Sasuke’s neck) Choose you’re next words carefully Uchiha!
Sasuke: I take some juice from the fruit Lee uses to get drunk, and put it in the drink!
Ino: Oh! (Sits down) I’ll take that!
Sasuke: Yeah! It’s legal, and it works!
Marth: Speaking of which… Didn’t you kill your brother?
Sasuke: Yeah… why?
Marth: But then why did you say you framed him the other day?
Sasuke: Oh… well… I kind of smoked some good *beep* and… yeah!
Marth: Oh! I see!
Ino: Why did you not tell me you had pot?
Sasuke: Yeah, I’m “totally” going to tell an ex-drug addict I have pot!
Ino: That was one time!
Sasuke: I’m pretty sure “one time” doesn’t lead to 5 months in rehab!
Ino: Shut up!
Sasuke: Hold on! Why are you even friends with Predator and Ness anyway?
Marth: Yeah! Come to think of it, Ino seemed like she would’ve been Alien’s friend!
Ino: Oh that! Well actually I just wanted to see what a xenomorph’s room looked like.
Alien: Hyper-intelligent xenomorph!
Ino: Whatever!
Predator: As for us being friends well… you tell them Ness.
Ness: We met her at the karaoke club, got a few drinks, and the rest is history!
Ino: Wait a minute! How is it that has a Job as a bar tender? He’s 16!
Sasuke: Well it turns out the governor is my #1 fan! So… yeah!
Ness: Well, how is it that you guys can talk perfect English?
Alien: I’m hyper-intelligent and he’s slightly smarter than the other predators.
Marth: What confuses me is why everyone is so freaked out by the platypus!
Alien: You’re kidding right?
Predator: Have you even seen that thing? A facehugger wouldn’t go near it!
Alien: It’s true! It wouldn’t!
Marth: Oh, come on! Is it really that freaky?
All: Yes!!!
Ness: I’ve fought taxis, road signs, record disks, guitars, coffee cups, but that… WOW!!!
Ino: I was literally traumatized when I first saw a platypus!
Marth: So it’s a venomous, aquatic mammal with a duck bill and beaver tail. So what?
Alien: You do know it lays eggs too right?
Marth: Holy crap! That thing is a freak of nature! You have made your point!
Sasuke: Well it’s almost closing time! Last call! Drinks are on the house!
Predator: Come on Alien! It’s the final chapter! Let’s get wasted! All of us!
Alien: Well… Oh what the heck. Fix us all a high ball Sasuke!
Marth: Or as Predator would say… Let’s get wasted!!!
Predator: Yeah! That’s the spirit! Let’s *beep* party!
All: *cheer*
(Everybody dance now plays in background)
The End
(If you’re still unclear on something that’s your problem)